Where the dragon sleeps

It is said that between the place where you dream of what your life could be and the place where reality is - that is where the dragon of regret lives.

I thought that was interesting...

I think the trick is learning to live fully right where you are at.

Or you might be like me and wake up one day and realise what you thought was a "detour" of your life just might have stopped being a detour and joined with the main road and you completely missed the transition...

Sometimes it still hurts...

Sometimes the pain of losing him makes me drop to my knees and press my hands against my chest while sobs wrack my body... and I scream out his name...

And I wonder if his heart can still hear mine...

And this is why I love Country

Its not the music of the soul, many hate the twang that is so characteristic of it, but I love it because its the music of life. Its written from experience, its written from life's lessons, struggles, joys and tribulations. Its written to tell a story, and that story connects us all in some way, shape, or form... I might be way off base and you might not disagree, but its how I feel.

This song caught my heart today. Once again, the words I'm thinking that I could never fully express. Emotions that need to remain locked away in my heart given voice through the lyrics...


If you see him, tell him I wish him well
How am I doing? Well, sometimes it's hard to tell
I still miss him more than ever
But please don't say a word
If you see him.
If you see him.

If you see her, tell her I'm doing fine
And if you want to, say that I think of her from time to time
Ask her if she ever wonders where we both went wrong
If you see her.
If you see her.

Oh, I still want her
And I still need him so
Oh, I don't know why we let each other go

If you see her, tell her the lights still on for her
Nothing's changed,
Deep down the fire still burns for him
And even if it takes forever, say I'll still be here
If you see him.
If you see her.
If you see him.
If you see her...

Brooks & Dunn & Reba McIntire

Monday morning

I am often amazed.

Emotions can be such a fickle thing.
And they can cloud rational judgement.

The weekends are a little rough on me. I love the week days because I am busy and around people and working.

I was a hermit this weekend. And it was a good thing.
I slept all day Saturday. So needed.
And then decorated the tree with mom. So much fun.
And finally got everything in my room reorganised since I got everything home from the storgae space in the city.
It feels so good to go through cloests and drawers and throw out and let go.
Make the space mine again.

And yes, I know being a hermit is not a good thing for a people person like me.
But its been very good for me lately cause I've needed the time out.


Things have been falling into place and making more sense.
Its hard to put it into words.

Me lately

I find myself in such an interesting emotional place these days.

I have decided to not be a hermit anymore
And to try to not be so sad all the time.
Still doesn't stop me from staying in most all the time,
or crying every day.

I have awful nightmares now.
I lose someone who meant so much to me.

And then I wake up fearful and sick.
And I relive it.
And the self hatred is hard to fight.

I'm taking one day at a time.
I'm going to get where I need to be if I just let myself have the time it takes to heal
To start to love myself enough

Its so hard to look back and see the failures...
To openly and honestly examine ones's self and see the faults
And then to know that you might never be forgiven by some

And then the realisation that you haven't even forgiven yourself.

But I'm getting there.
One day at a time.

I can't change the past.
Don't even really want to, because there is good in the bad stuff too.
But I want to grow and learn from it.

So its one little choice at a time.
Cause all I need is time.

And I feel better already, cause I made the choice to let myself have the time.
Took the pressure off myself.
And I have people in my life would are encouraging me to take all the time I need.

Special people.
And despite everything each day is beautiful.
And I've already come a long way.

Today, I remember.

If you see me today, please give me a hug...

Please don't ask why...

Life

And for all its complications today I was reminded that its really the simple things, stolen moments, and small sweet gifts that make life so beautiful.

It is beautiful.

Just live.

One day at a time.

For a season, for a moment...